Fear of Dying

Oh it’s huge or should I say it WAS huge for me……the fear of not living the life I came here to live in other words…which I was (and a tiny bit still am) embarressed and afraid to say for so many years:  I’m scared shitless of Dying.

My intention with this post is to be short, semi sweet and leave you with a message that you’ll be pulling off your face for a long time.

In a nutshell, if I’m willing to admit (which I newly am) that I’ve got a big ass fear of dying then I’m taking away from the life I could be living….even if it’s a few fleeting thoughts a day….it’s taking me out of the game of life.    I was in complete denial of this for as many years as I can remember…hence the adrenaline junkie, dare me to do anything and I will, risk taking, fuck it let’s do it gal I am…..that way about me is real although the vibe underneath is what I’m poking at this morning.

IMG-9324

The reality is and always has been: No one gets out alive!  We all gonna die babe!  Let me set the record straight here…I’m not a worrier of traffic accidents or nuclear war kinda things…..my biggest fear was {key word was} that my body would fail me….that she would somehow suffer and I would miss out on the fun.  And the truth is, she will breakdown naturally and suffering, as we know… is always an option.

I work with a lot of people and can so clearly see them, I can see obstacles in their way, I can see where they are blocked and through powerful listening I allow them to hear themselves as if their own wise teacher within is teaching them.    The thing is when it comes to ourselves (I believe) there are blindspots…just like in driving…not sure why but they exist..that’s why we need others, others that we can trust, that have our backs and will listen without judgement so we can too, see into our blindspots.

Yesterday I saw mine…it’s been building up for me for awhile..I could feel the resistance to seeing it, I could tell that I was getting close to the fire because my body was screaming at me in many different languages: funky weird aches, diarrhea, random headaches….you know and I know that looking at this now it’s clear:  “STOP! Take a look within Beth……We’ve got a very important message for you:

‘Focus on what is working ever so beautifully in your life.  Cherish those ever loving mind blowing relationships you do have with all those you love.   Give big ass thanks for your wonderful machine of a body any time it gets your attention.  What we focus on we get more of…..just don’t be attatched to what it might be.   The Universe delivers the goods and “she’s” always matching your vibe….turn it up or turn it down….always your choice.’

If you’re reading this I love you!  You are what I love about being alive.  You are why I am here.  I’ve changed my major and it’s all about living…..Dying is inevitable for us all…hard core TRUTH-BOMB right there!  I’m just choosing to not live with dying on the agenda.  How can I enjoy the ride when all I’m doing is fast forwarding + fearing to my deathbed?

This WAS a Big Fucking Deal in my world….like BIG FUCKING dealio…..It’s newfound and it’ll take practice to keep it in check but I’m loving the feeling this realization infuses me with so I have no doubt that I’m in for some life enhancing rides.

*BIG DISCLAMER: If life’s a party {which it truly is} and I fear not being at it all the time….I never truly enjoy the party…kinda like I’m never really there.  And this girl, she no likey to miss a paahhhhtayyy!

Your World is your Runway…..the more you CELEBRATE your life..the more there is in life to CELEBRATE

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: