Estrogen Made me do it {or lack of}

 

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Wait, what?  Maybe, just maybe.. a woman’s va-jay-jay is simply not supposed to be entered upon by anything, nothing, nodda at a certain point in life.  Like whoever thought of this?  Not me….have you?

Lemme rewind and share my story with you so you can get the whole gist of what I’m stepping in.  Weeks back there was this incidence one Sunday afternoon {oh and I have my hubby’s total blessings on sharing our stuff…ask him he’ll tell ya :)} okay, okay back to the juice…..one Sunday afternoon things got a little cray at 411 N. Main and well….we had a touch of the empty nest fever and had some fun……ok, fast forward to the next day…I noticed something weird happening that doesn’t usually happen and it truly seemed like it came out of the blue.  I was experiencing excessive discharge (ok, this feels weird too but oh well) and just about felt like I was peeing my pants.  Ehh I thought maybe it’s from the shower I just took?  Nope….it continued throughout the night and definitely had my attention.

The next day I called my Gyno whom I haven’t seen in a year or so and was told that she’s out on medical leave and when asked who they are referring patients out to they paused and said….Planned Parenthood?  So appointment was made and off I anxiously shuffled to PP.  I kinda felt like a teenager again sitting in the office waiting for the practitioner to gently knock and come on in.

She entered the room and immediately I felt safe and comfy.  She was a few years older than me and had a funky, laid back way about her that I totally dug.  Went through my story with her, added my concerns and still she held that comforting way about her that really set the stage for me to share away, ask away and BE in my skin.  She asked some random questions and as I jogged my memory of what might’ve been different in the past few days I remembered using this little door prize red plastic pillow full of special “warming” lube that I won at a sex toy party this past summer….OMG! That’s it!  Thank God!  Not so fast sister!!!  You would’ve thought that I had just discovered sliced bread!  This had to be the answer!  Of course she agreed but still wanted to check things out.

As I lay on the paper lined examining table and crinkled my butt up to the edge which always feels awkward because I always wonder if anyone has ever gone too far and the practitioner has to tell ’em to put it in reverse and back that baby up!  She looked and talked and was describing exactly what she was seeing and it all sounded “normal” to me as well as to her.  She did a swab and told me to get dressed and she’d take a look under the microscope.  I did what I was told to do 🙂 and sat and waited with a sense of relief too I might add.

She came back in and before she even closed the door behind her she said “Yup, you’re gonna be fine”.  Isn’t that what we all wanna hear?  She proceeded to tell me that I am pretty much on E with my Estrogen.   Ok, so now what?  How does that happen and what’s the root of this I asked.  She looked in my eyes and said “honey, you’re 55 and this is what happens…”     I mean I get that shifts happen and I’m all about riding the aging wave gracefully and wholeheartedly… I actually love how powerful middle life feels as a woman.   Right away she prescribed a synthetic estrogen supplement that is a time released 90 day apparatus that you keep inside.  Ok, so I can be bit of a freak when it comes to synthetics in my bod but I felt like I was a sleep walking and just following the bread crumbs and trusting where they might lead.

I headed of to CVS and was actually floored by how many people were standing in line to get prescriptions….anyway…I dropped the ‘script off and hung out.  The pharmacist called me up and asked if I had a coupon.  I said “nope,why?” Well….this prescription costs $517 and your insurance will cover ZERO.   Screw it…..I still went for it….Got the script and left feeling like something was off….something just ain’t right.

I followed PP’s instructions and popped that estrogen ring in.  I used to use a diaphragm years ago so no biggie.  Again…something felt off….yup and something just ain’t right.  Things got weird and I’m not sure if it was my head getting in the way and taking over or what.

I felt unsettled and made a new appointment at another practice recommended by a girlfriend.  I called on a whim and they just so happened to have an opening the very next day with the doctor that specialized in the whole estrogen thanggggg.  Yipeee…I love when that shit happens.  I met with the doc and she confirmed the whole estrogen thing and I again asked “what actually happens?  why is it showing up like the flood gates are opening when other women my age are talking about the exact opposite happening in their va-jay-jay?”  She looked at me and said this: “The vagina needs estrogen….cut and dry.”   BOOM!  DONE!  She said take a week (she was headed out on vacation) and come back and see me and we’ll straighten out the estrogen thing.

I left there feeling super grateful that they got me in so quickly AND that I was now back in my curious saddle in total touch with my intuition and had some new philosophies of my own that I was about to deconstruct.

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So here’s the full circle dealio…If our bodies, as women, produce estrogen (as it does) primarily it plays an essential role in the growth and development of female secondary sexual characteristics, such as breasts, pubic and armpit hair, and the regulation of the menstrual cycle and reproductive system along with being the “looking younger” hormone.(*There’s a whole lot more to know and learn about estrogen but this was all I needed.)     I got to thinking about how the inside tissue of the vaginal wall naturally thins out as a result of declining estrogen levels which happens during menopause which means we are DONE menstruating which means we’re done procreating so maybe, just maybe we were made to not have anything in our va-jay’s?   I’m not anti sex and hell, never really experienced painful menopausal sex but…..what if at this time in our lives ladies… we are all about a whole new pleasure?  What if we were made to shift up into a new way of experiencing sex?

Like how many women out here think that there’s something “wrong” with them because things just aren’t like they used to be?  And I’m not just talking anatomy here, I’m talking desire too.  You still love your partner but there’s no communication about what’s happening or what’s not happening.  What if you got really clear on what if feels like to be YOU in your body at whatever age you’re at and got clear with where you stand with wanting or not wanting sex… The choice has always been yours…it’s just that as we age it seems like we often get caught up in comparing ourselves now with who we used to be sexually….hence the “what’s wrong with me” broken record.

Maybe it’s time for a new revolution~ maybe we aren’t so private about who we are when it comes to sex.  Maybe we become truly uninterested in sex (that can be super sexy in itself because it could be the truth), maybe just maybe we find freedom in saying what is so for ourselves (men and women) when it comes to sex.  I often think about men taking the “little blue pill” and how maybe, just maybe it ain’t supposed to work that way anymore….perhaps there’s nothing wrong with anybody.  Maybe it’s time to BE with what is and create or not new ways to be fulfilled through sex or not.

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I wonder what the world would be like if people were truly accepting of the way our bodies progress and I don’t mean to give up…I mean just the opposite…really commit to your body, take great care of it, listen to it and share it if you choose.  I know my truth with this matter has opened up a whole new avenue for connection with my guy.  I’m truly blessed to both articulate what’s going on with me AND be in cahoots with a dude that digs openness on this level.  FYI ladies he says it’s actually a huge turn on when I share with him on this level.  I have to say that even in our close knit relationship of 25 years I still felt reluctant to share about my truth and my ever changing healthy ass body.

You just never know what’ll open up when you discover your gutsy truth and share it with the ones you love.   I can’t wait to experience what’s next!  Thanks for reading this long ass piece, it’s been a long time coming AND I said I would ….. I know your attention span was really working hard…appreciate it and YOU!

BIG LOVE all the way around

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