Home: Comfy vs. Launching Pad

herald

We often think of home as a place we can go to and be ourselves.  It’s true…it does bring a sense of comfort and familiarity to the forefront.  But……it can also dim

down the changes you’ve worked hard to unveil and become.

I’m an extremely inquisitive, testing the waters always kinda gal and I love that about myself.  When I dive deep and break through another layer of myself it calls for me to try it on, sniff it out and become it once and for all.   So, I go there.

I share this new found level of my being with my besties…the hubs, the daughter, my mama, bffs, the neighbs……I share that shit….it feels good, I am seen, it deflates the fear that accompanies new layers and it works.   Now, when I’m done sharing it….it’s show time.  The thrill of talking about it is gone and it’s time to live it, try that shit on and live IN it.  Here’s the whole point of this post: Home land is the hardest place for me to live into my new found layers of myself…WHY?

Home is somewhere that I’ve created over 20 plus years with my husband and my children.  It’s the structural building, the smell, the energy and so much more that I can’t even pinpoint but it’s the feeling of home and I know it when I’m in it, it embodies all of me.   This I love but here’s the thing….Home is such a comfy place for me where all my old ways of being are thrown all over the place and are gently worn and beautifully broken in that I can just throw anything on and be that there.

When carving out new grooves and new powerful 54 year old ways of being, home is not the easiest place for me to be.  It’s easy for me to slide into old ways of being, it’s easy for me to feel the comforts of home and say fuck it.  It’s easy for me to forget how powerful and courageous I felt in my skin just hours ago in conversation with an old friend about what’s happening in my world.   It’s kinda crazy but true for me.

Where do I go from here?  How do I combine the comforts of my home and the people in it with all the erupting deep levels of myself?

The funny part is…..the net is there, always has been.  My family has been standing with their hands waving in the air yelling JUMP! JUMP! for years.  And every time I do it not only feels fucking amazing but it gives my world (them) permission to do the same.   This is why we’re here!

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