Truth: I held a fart for an entire yoga class



It was brutal.  I  knew as I was setting up my mat and pissing my ground for my favorite spot in the room that this bubble of hotness was going to be a problem.

I got caught up in the chit chat per my usual and the next thing I knew class was starting.  Of course the teacher was going to start us in downward facing dog where I felt the air pocket gurgle down low in my pelvis as if to say “you better let me out now or I’m going to torture your ass (literally) for the next 75 minutes!!  I couldn’t do it especially because there was no music playing in the background yet….so there was hope in about 15 minutes.

I’ve always admired when others can just let them rip…you know when we’re instructed to just roll those thighs and buns right up over our mid-bodies into a plow pose or shoulder stand?  All of a sudden, in the dead silence mixed with a few groans you hear this p-p-l-l-a-t-t!   I always say…..YES!  finally..someone is breaking the silence and giving us all permission to fart at our leisure…but something happens and it’s almost like when you walk into a chicken coop and yell something loud or clap your hands…it gets dead silent and their little heads start jerking around until they’ve had enough and they start right back in where they left off.

And then of course I still get giggly silly inside!  What is it about farts?  Why is it so cute when we’re little, then it gets gross, then it gets embarrassing, and then sometimes funny, sometimes serious and it just keeps going on and on and on.  I want to be friends with my farts…..hell it’s me, well it’s my debris but still me!

I almost announced it after class when we were all mingling and getting our heads back on to face life outside the studio but I chickened out….you see, I want to blaze the trail for others who still give a silly shit about whether it’s cool to fart or not.   God bless those who were raised with the “fart ain’t no big deal” rule…like they don’t even exist.  My thinking was that if I was to bear my soul and admit my fart secret that most likely for me it would be conquered but I was also thinking of others who have probably held farts in for an entire yoga class too.

The worst part of this whole debacle is that I was totally unable to set an intention like I love to do before each class.  My practice tonight was all about keeping that bubble of old stale air packed nice and tight inside my butt cheeks.  Was it a waste?? Nah, because it inspired me to write this piece and now the whole world (or anybody reading this) can be free to fart around the yoga room (or wherever you are).

Namaste  and Fart On you Crazy Diamonds!


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